How can we be lifting our spirits, when we’ve lost so much?
Getting older can often mean loss of flexibility and previous physical strength. Loss of job and coworkers through retirement. Loss of parents. Loss of kids in the house. Maybe the a loss of spouse. Even a loss of purpose or loss of meaning to life.
Dwelling on these thoughts, on loss, can lead to sadness, lack of motivation, isolation, even serious depression if left unchecked.
How Do We Stop Negative Thoughts?
A.N.T’s, (automatic – negative – thoughts) are quite common in we humans. This negative bias for things and events can be traced back to our caveman days. When we really did need to assume the worst of every situation, lions and tigers and bears and such, if we were to survive and thrive.
Modern man, free from the natural dangers long past, often turns inward, upon him or herself, to find things to be concerned about. Things to worry about. Real or imagined. Mostly our thoughts fall into two camps: Our Past: Regret for things (negative). Or, Our Future: Worries over things yet to come (negative).
These A.N.T’s would be bad enough if they only danced around in our head. But scientific studies have already proven that our mind and our body are one. What happens in the mind affects the body on a cellular level. And things which happen to the body, affect the mind as well.
Most everyone knows that two of the most commonly fatal illnesses, heart attack and stroke, can result directly from stress. From chronic worry, anger, and anxiety.
Dr. Joe Dispenza, in his eye-opening book, “Breaking the Habit of Being You“, goes into great detail of how our mind, thoughts, and body intertwine. How our habitual, often subconscious thought patterns, lead directly to illness and disease by breaking down our body’s cells.
Surprisingly, even if our thoughts are not negative most of the time, even if we’re not stressed, doing the same things day, after day, after day, can burn out our cells over time and lead to illness and disease as well. This is why it is so important to add novelty and difference to every day as we discussed in previous articles.
You can grab a copy of Dr. Joe’s book on Amazon.com or enjoy listening to it from Audible. I highly recommend this book just for the new perspective. But it’s a must read if you’ve tried to change in the past but never could. Dr. Joe shows you why you couldn’t. More importantly, how you can!
Let’s stay with the A.N.T’s for now.
How do we add more happiness, more joy, more purpose to each day as we get older?
How do we fight the A.N.T’s to maintain both our body and our mind. Perhaps even grow?
I originally wrote the following limerick to accompany the marketing for a book designed to help teens who were struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. Sadly, this has become something of an epidemic of late. Tragic.
Only recently, as I myself have moved into the senior class, (and I’m not talking about the one that gets to enjoy prom night!) I noticed that many older folks have a similar struggle…
“I felt that the world wasn’t fair.
What’s the use of me? What can I share?
Then a clever new journal
turned a light on internal.
Showing me I had talents to spare.“
-Elderbob
In these later chapters in life, after our children have grown and gone. After our careers have run their course. After our parents, and maybe others we’ve known and loved, have passed on, it’s easy to feel the emotions from the first lines of this limerick.
The world isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. Why Me?
Am I a burden now? What’s the use of me?
What can I share now? What do I have to offer?
Wow! That’s a lot of A.N.T’s!
And they’ll eat the foundation of our very being if allowed to run wild.
How do we stop these A.N.T’s?
How do we make ourselves stronger, more useful, more valuable?
One way to stop the A.N.T’s is with:
P.I.T’s (positive – intentional – thoughts)
Positive – because we focus our thoughts on the good things that have or are happening to us now. We focus on what’s good, instead of what’s bad. We focus on what we have, instead of what we want. Instead of thinking, “What’s wrong with me?”, we start to journal, “What’s RIGHT with me?” We look for the good and the things we have to be grateful for.
- Like clean air to breath.
- An endless supply of clean water to drink.
- A roof over our head.
- Food stores aplenty.
- Toilets and showers and sinks.
- That comfy chair we love to sit in.
- A cozy bed.
- Waking up each day.
Y’know, all those things we normally take for granted while our mind is busy thinking about how the government screwed us somehow, or why the kids never call.
Intentional – Because we have to invite these thoughts. They won’t just show up like the A.N.T’s. It’s not in our biology. We have to consciously and intentionally bring them into our mind. And one of the best ways to do this is to sit down with paper and pencil. To write them.
Thoughts – OK. We know what thoughts are. Though many folks, quite literally, haven’t tried actual thinking in a long time. But those folks don’t read my stuff anyway. Only smart folks like you do! And I appreciate that!
Destroying the A.N.T’s with P.I.T’s
Most everyone can list a couple dozen examples of things about the world they have to be grateful for. After that first dozen though, most find it becomes much harder to think of things.
Then, when we make it personal, and ask folks to come up with P.I.T’s about themselves, they really struggle.
One, because we’ve all been socialized that it’s not polite to boast about one’s abilities. Two, because we are often too close to ourselves to see the real value in the things we do so easily. While others might find those same things very hard to do, and consequently, of great value.
For example, I find it easy to go through a house and fix things. Patch holes in the drywall. Tighten hinges and door knobs. Paint. Etc.
Lawyers, who may have never owned a tool in their life, found these skills of mine valuable. They would hire me. It was easy for me and because of this belief, I know there were many times when I did not charge enough. I discounted my value because to ME it was easy!
Playing the piano is a skill many folks envy. But once you learn to play, you think, “Oh, it’s not so hard.” Its value is easily overlooked – once you have the skill.
We’re all extraordinarily good at something others struggle with.
So how do we discover, uncover, bring all of our greatness to the P.I.T’s to chase off those pesky A.N.T’s and preserve and grow our bodies and minds?
We use a Gratitude Journal.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Don’t close the article now because you have a fear of writing. Or think it will take too long. Or, God forbid, you’ll have to get all woo-woo about it, or think!
This particular Gratitude Journal and activity book takes less than 5 minutes per day. Plus, instead of having to think and write free-form, it uses prompts. Each small journal page will ask simple questions which automatically draw the good, the happy feelings, out of you.
Here are some examples:
- “I am most proud of ________________.”
- “I would like to help ________________.”
- “I smile when I think of ______________.”
When we focus our wildy imaginative minds on the positive things in our life, we can’t help but be positive as well. It lifts our spirits. It interrupts our negative thought patterns. It provides that positive “something different” we all need in our daily life.
The cool thing is, if you’ll do a page in the morning, you’ll have a better day.
If you do a page at night before bed, you’ll sleep better!
Win, win!
We’ve come full circle now. We started with the question:
“How can we be lifting our spirits, when we’ve lost so much?”
There are two things I suggest because they worked for me:
- Pick up a copy of Dr. Joe’s book. Breaking the Habit of Being You
- Start and write daily in your gratitude journal. My Gratitude Journal and Activity Books, Vol. 1 and the Celebrity Advice Edition Vol.2 make it easy. With their positive prompts, happy cartoon characters throughout, and artistic activities, these books pack the most bang for your gratitude buck.
Whatever you do, you must understand that your A.N.T’s may be killing you.
March them into some P.I.T’s today. Choose to thrive and grow instead!
“Bene Vivere!”
Bob Elderbob Schwarztrauber
