In the blockbuster Marvel movie “Spiderman-Homecoming”
Spiderman, aka Peter Parker, had just screwed up yet another mission trying to stop a local high-tech weapons dealer. So much so that his sponsor, Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, had to come to his rescue.
Tony decides enough is enough. Everyone told him he was crazy
to get involved with this “kid”, and now he believes they were right.
Spiderman is not mature enough, not ready to be a Super Hero.
Tony demands that Peter returned the high-tech Spidey suit he gifted.
But Parker desperately pleads, “No Tony, I’m nothing without that suit”.
Tony replies with wisdom and experience won over many years as a
Super Hero, renowned inventor, and businessman, “If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it”.
The implication being that superficial trappings are meant to enhance your life, not define it.
In this case, he must possess the thoughts, and motives, and the maturity of a Super Hero to actually be one. The suit is merely a tool to help him get the job done better, more powerfully, more efficiently.
Relating this more broadly in our own mortal, non-superhero lives, if we need to drive the Mercedes or Cadillac to feel important, we do not really feel important at all inside. It’s a crutch. Maybe we should forgo the expense and work on our core instead?
If we need the big house in the suburbs to feel important, same deal.
If we need money to feel important, self-respected, or valued then our worth is superficial and can be taken away at any time. But if we can retain our dignity, self-worth, and confidence even when we have nothing, we can always rebuild again.
Same with fame.
Don’t crave “things” for the supposed value they give, but crave greater knowledge and kindness, and friendship. These are the things we can carry with us always. These are the greatest tools we will need in our life. These things will give us super-powers that cannot be taken away.
Know that you are valuable just the way you. But you can always be better.
Better should be our daily quest. If you could get only 1% healthier, smarter, kinder, wealthier today than you were yesterday, in just a years time you would be more than 365% better.
I say more because intelligence, wealth, and health do not improve on a strictly linear scale, but improve exponentially, each improvement compounding on the previous.
Let go of the trappings. I have been on this quest myself since the death of my last living parent.
As my parents advanced in age, and the reality of their mortality became clear to me, I would often think, “Wow! They’ve really collected a lot of nice stuff over the years.” Many of the “things” had been handed down from their parents and relations. “Some day I’d like to have that”, I thought in private.
But when my father passed and I was left with the project of cleaning out his house in preparation for sale, four floors of “stuff”, I suddenly realized, I did not need or want very much of it at all.
I already had a houseful of my own “stuff”. Stuff that was in good repair and that I purchased because I liked it at the time. The family “stuff” was not better or more valuable. I would not “feel better” for having any of it.
In fact, I would feel worse for having cluttered my own house with stuff I did not need.
Dad was not a millionaire living in a mansion. He was a blue collar dude who was not prone to extravagance. They bought for lasting value and economy, not for show. It was only time, available space, and his Depression Era mentality of “save everything, you never know when you might need it” that led to so much stuff collecting.
After my brother, and sister, and I claimed the sentimental and useful things we wanted, the bulk of the remaining property was sold at an estate sale and we equally split the modest cash proceeds. Better the stuff could be put to use by another, than it’s value wasted in a landfill.
Getting rid of our family stuff from dads made me realize that even though I had lifetime dreams of possessing all manner of nice things, I could see that in the end they were only a burden, to him, and to us having to sort through it all.
Stuff didn’t matter. What I treasured most was the memories associated with those things. The times dad and I took the golf clubs out for an early morning round. I don’t need the clubs for that, I have the memory.
Mother’s old recipe book. I kept a few pages, but what I value most and still was warm winter days in the kitchen with mom baking cookies or cakes.
I didn’t need dad’s Mercury Grand Marquis to remember drives to the country, or to our favorite hot dog stands.
Treasure the memories. Keep a digital photo of the stuff to spark memories later on if you like . But you don’t need all the stuff you think you do.
After the arduous task of cleaning out dads house, I went on a personal mission in my own home to get rid of my own cluttering “stuff” My brother did this too. Marie Kondo’s book,
“The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing ” made the task much easier. I recommend it to people all the time and everyone has been glad they read it.
This was one of the rare times the Elder and I agreed on something. “We’ve got too much stuff!”
“When in doubt, throw it out!” became our motto.
I remember long ago hearing motivational speaker Bob Proctor advise, “If you want to have more in your life, you have to make room for it. Nature abhors a vacuum and will seek to fill up any empty space.”
Wish you had new clothes? Maybe your subconscious is keeping you from buying them because in your mind you know your closet is so full already. But full with what? More than half of the clothes hanging YOU NEVER WEAR!
Donate them to your favorite charity and then watch as newer, nicer clothes magically take there place.
Most are familiar with the phrase, “You have to give before you get”.
Give up your extraneous material trappings to get more, or more peace of mind, or more enjoyment from the things that are truly valuable in your life.
Give up watching 2 hours of TV each night to learn a skill to earn a better job and more money, or to create fun memories of doing things with your kids, or your wife, or friends. You won’t remember that episode of America’s Got Talent in a year, but you will remember taking your spouse, your kids, or you grand-kids to the park, or out for ice cream.
Give up that second snack in the evening, or throw out your junk food altogether so you can become healthier.
Give up 30 couch-potato minutes each day so you can walk or exercise.
What do you really NEED? Honestly.
I’m not saying be a minimalist like James Altucher who hired someone to throw out all his stuff and live from a backpack at Air BNBs, but everyone has something they can get rid of to get more of the finer things in life.
Stuff is fine. We need stuff. But once we let our stuff define who we are, once our stuff becomes our identity, who are we really? We are not super, or special because of our stuff.
We are super because of who we are inside.
There IS someone less fortunate who really could use some of your stuff, the basic stuff, like clothes, but they cannot afford to buy new. Baby stuff too. And furniture. Donate something today, that’s a start.
You will instantly gain more room in your home and a good feeling in your heart from knowing you helped another.
Helping others. Helping yourself be better.
That’s what super-heroes do.
You can be a super-hero today, right where you are. No suit required.
Give. Give stuff. Give money. Give time.
You already have everything you need.
Let go to get more.
Peter Parker learned the lesson he needed to after having his suit taken away. He could be a hero, Spiderman, without the fancy suit.
It was only then that Tony returned the suit near the end of the movie, in fact a better suit. Peter let go of need and knowledge, compassion, and skill rushed in to take its place.
Don’t wait to have your stuff taken away. Give today. Choose to give.
You can be more, have more when you choose. Choose.
“Bene Vivere!”
ElderBob Schwarztrauber
