Bad Things Happen…After 50

I used to be one person.

Until I turned 50.

Then my body was abducted by an alien!

I call him, “The Elder”.

Here’s what happened:

One fateful night, I was awakened from my slumber at 3am by a strange, nagging sensation. I’d felt this feeling before, but never in the middle of the night. I dragged my still groggy body out from the warm, cozy bed and into the cold, dim bathroom. As I passed the large mirror, an odd figure appeared. In the dim light, and without my glasses, I thought perhaps I was imagining things.

I reached for my glasses and switched on the light. To my amazement, he was still there staring back at me. Bigger, bolder and older than ever.

“OMG! What have you done with my body,” I screamed!

My wife must have heard. A muffled sound came under the door.

“Are you alright?”

My fixation upon the stranger in the mirror prevented me from answering.

“Take your pee and go back to bed,” the stranger said. “You’ll understand everything you need to soon enough.”

And now I do.

I’m Elder Bob. (I didn’t choose to be, it just happened to me, while I was doing other things!)

I’m 12 going on 60. That is to say, I’m two people in one body. Bob is an adventurous, mischievous, energetic, wide-eyed kid trapped in an older man’s body. I call this body that surrounds me now, “The Elder”

The Elder is more like a parent than he is me. A strict parent. Mean. He’s always telling me I can’t do things.

Not in a nice way either. He’s very abusive in his punishment.

He hurts me. (ahem…where is social welfare when you need them?)

The Elder tells me I can’t eat as much as I used to. Or all the foods I used to. He plagues me with heartburn if I do. He’s mean.

He tells me I can’t sleep all night anymore. (This is the hypocrite who loves to nap). Says we have to get up middle of the night to pee.

He tells me I can’t run, jump, or be as physically active as I used to be.

The other day I was having a great time playing on the floor with my son’s cat. His name is Baz. He’s a cool black and white cat. Looks like a fur tuxedo. Lots of purr-sonality. We have a blast!

So, we’re having a great time, gettin’ rowdy, and I get up quick to escape the claw attack I provoked, and know is surely coming. Baz is no pushover!

As I jump up, The Elder shouts, “Whoa! Not so fast.” Only he doesn’t say it with words. As I said, his discipline is more physical.

He locked up my knees instead!

I slowed down in a hurry. He actually made it a slow, painful struggle to straighten my knees and get up off the floor.

I got the message. He always wins. He hurts me.

He’s smart, like me. Very wise. But he’s mean and vindictive, very unlike me.

I’m just a happy-go-lucky dude, trying to have some fun and help others as I go along.

He’s lazy too. As I mentioned, he loves to nap.

The other day I was reading an interesting book and he just went to sleep!

I used to be able to read an entire book in two days. Now I’m lucky if I can finish it in two weeks ‘cuz he’s always nodding off.

He does this during TV shows. At the theater and concerts too.

That’s on me though. He likes to go to bed early, but I like to stay up late, doing “stuff”.

And I do. (its a little payback thing I do because I have the power)

So then he’s tired the next day. Boo-hoo!

We’ve sorta come to an understanding over the years. I control the mind and he runs the body. (into the ground if you ask me, but I was taught to respect the wisdom of my elders.)

I’m not entirely happy with the arrangement, but we’re making it work.

That’s why I’m here today. Once it happened to me, I discovered it had happened to others as well.

At a certain age, we get abducted. Our bodies are hijacked and the brain is left to watch.

Some, like water going down the drain, feel helpless to fight and surrender it all to The Elder. They lack the energy and the will to change, to fight.

But some, like me, say “Hell no!”

“I will not surrender to The Elder!”

I may be stuck with his presence, but I’ve still got stuff to do.

I still have dreams and goals and passions!

I will not go gentle into that good night, as the poet Dylan Thomas advises.

I will rage, rage at the dying of the light.

I will fight!

To that end, I adopted the motto, “One Life…Make It Right…Make It Last!

Let me break it down for clarity:

One Life – This is it folks. We only get one turn to play on the big blue planet called Earth. Until the rocks and trees and frogs speak to me, I’m discounting the whole reincarnation thing. But I remain open to offers.

As Ferris Beuller famously said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Steven Tyler of the band, Aerosmith, completes the phrase for me in his rock ballad, “I don’t want to miss a thing”.

Based on that belief, one life, we have to make the most of what we’ve got. Play all the hands dealt to us, to the end. No folding allowed. No quitting.

We fight until the famous pink pig says, ” Th-Th-The, Th-Th… That’s all, folks!”

Are you still with me?

Make It Right: Maybe your life is perfect the way it is. God bless you! Close the screen. This website is not for you.

My life is not perfect, yet. But I’m determined to make it right. To be as happy as humanly possible. That means physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

I have things I want to do still. Goals, passions, desires to follow. I wake up excited every day to learn new things, try new things, and go new places.

I want to grow better, not grow old.

My body may have been hijacked, slowed down, abducted by The Elder. But my mind is 100 miles an hour.

I may have to drag that mean old lazy Elder everywhere I go, but by God, as long as I can think a coherent thought, we’re going!

To make things right. To make this life what I want it to be, to the best of my ability.

Make It Last: This is the physical, health side of my attack. If left to The Lazy Elder, he’d run this ship up on the rocks and leave it there to rot. I’ll have none of that!

To the extent I can, I make him exercise, eat healthier, find and take the medicines and supplements needed to keep this ship afloat and pressing on to the next port.

“Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead.”

Have you been abducted?

If you’ve had your life altered by the alien Elder who’s hijacked your body, and you aren’t ready to surrender, you’re ready to fight (like me), you’ve come to the right place.

As I said earlier, The Elder and I have come to an understanding. And it seems to be working pretty well for us, to make it right, to make it last.

I’d like to share the tips, tricks, techniques, and resources I’ve found that helped me rage against the dying of the light to increase my money, my fun, and my physical fitness.

If you’re in…if you’re with me in the fight…then do what’s right!

Bookmark this page and come back often.

Let’s do this thing!

Let’s NOT grow old gracefully.

Let’s make the next 50 years the best time of our life…together!

Sincerely,

The Elder – Bob